


Studio Dialogue

by softwinds



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Guillermo does his homework, I think so???, M/M, Movie Quotation(s), Nandor is hot for slayer Guillermo, Post-Season/Series 02, Roleplay, Smut, no need to breath equals better heads i don't make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softwinds/pseuds/softwinds
Summary: “I surrender,vampire slayer,” Nandor exclaims. “You have outsmarted me! You have discovered the unholy bedroom during my evil slumber!”He steps out of the open coffin and dramatically lunges himself into a recliner, tiny sparkles glistering in his eyes. The vampire studies Guillermo’s face in expectation.“It seems that I did, Nandor the Relentless. You weren’t careful enough to hide from me,” Guillermo shakes away a slight twinge of anxiousness. He tries to stand tall and firm, fixing a sedate gaze on Nandor’s lips. Keep itsexy, Guillermo reminds himself. Authenticity is really secondary.-In which Guillermo and Nandor have roleplay sex. Guillermo learns a lot from all the vampire movies.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 18
Kudos: 94





	Studio Dialogue

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the same verse as [Like Something Holy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368427). I wanted to make it a stand-alone piece for my Vampire Hunter!AU, but in the end I liked it better in the canon setting&wrote it that way :>
> 
> The "vampires don't need to breath so they give better heads" galaxy brain is from [poppy_plant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppy_plant). All the sentences in _italic_ are from various vampire movies (listed in the end notes). Thanks to [walkwithursus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkwithursus) who introduced me to most of them!!
> 
> tw: the characters are fully consensual but there are fuck-or-die elements (sorta) in their role play. Also this work is unbeta'd so there might be bugs... my apologies!

“I surrender, _vampire slayer_ ,” Nandor exclaims. “You have outsmarted me! You have discovered the unholy bedroom during my evil slumber!”

He steps out of the open coffin and dramatically lunges himself into a recliner, tiny sparkles glistering in his eyes. The vampire studies Guillermo’s face in expectation.

“It seems that I did, Nandor the Relentless. You weren’t careful enough to hide from me,” Guillermo shakes away a slight twinge of anxiousness. He tries to stand tall and firm, fixing a sedate gaze on Nandor’s lips. Keep it _sexy_ , Guillermo reminds himself. Authenticity is really secondary. “ _There are worse things out tonight than vampires._ ”

“Like... what?” Nandor raises an eyebrow. Guillermo tries to recall the exact expression Karen Jensen makes when that line is laid out by Blade, but Nandor’s slightly tilted head is being way too distracting. 

“ _Like me._ ” He replies.

The vampire blinks. This is going better than Guillermo has thought. He can almost see Nandor’s pupils rapidly dilate behind those long, thick lashes as the realization sets in— he is going to get what he signed up for. 

Nandor zips his lips shut for a brief second, throat bobbing. When his mouth opens again, the pretend feebleness in his poise is gone, and his shoulders expand like a young lion welcoming challengers. But Guillermo isn’t too intimidated by whatever is coming— he has done his homework. Besides, he has the power of Anne Rice and Stephen Sommers on his side. 

“So,” Nandor continues as Guillermo takes a step closer. One of the windows is open, and the hem of his trenchcoat ripples in the midnight breeze in a rhythmic manner. “What are you going to do with me, Guill— _vampire slayer_? It is not common for a human man to stand in my crypt and not draw out his weapons...”

Guillermo replies by leaning forward by a dangerous angle, freeing his hands from his pockets and pressing down, trapping Nandor in between his arms. The vampire hisses histrionically in response, but the rest of his face clearly looks raring and intrigued. 

“Take a guess, _sir vampire_ ,” Guillermo whispers theatrically. “ _Say what you want… But I promise you, you will be dead by dawn **.**_ ”

“That is very threatening.” Nandor wets his upper lip with the tip of his tongue.

“Part of my job.”

“Your job is to scare the poor vampire guy who has been dead for seven hundred years?”

“It’s to make sure you don’t get away, Nandor the relentless. It’s to _chasten_ you.” Guillermo takes a strand of the vampire’s dark hair and toys it around his thumb.

Nandor gulps. “Tell me more.”

With that, Guillermo hops up and climbs onto his captive’s lap, thighs straddling the firm waist underneath. He lowers his chin and puffs at the tip of Nandor’s nose. Guillermo’s own mouth shadows over the vampire’s colder lips merely whiskers away, the latter shaking slightly with his every exhale, like feathers on an owl’s wings.

“How will I be chastened?”

“I can _finish you off_ myself, or I can take you to my colleagues.” Guillermo laboriously tries to work his brain. “At the slayer’s— the Vampire Slayer’s Academy. Of torturing.”

“ _The Vampire Slayer’s Academy of Torturing._ ” Nandor stretches his lips thin. “Like the School of Rock?”

“Exactly like the School of Rock.”

The vampire’s eyes flicker, for some reason. “And Thomas Jacob Black is there?”

“Sure,” Guillermo makes a mental note to discuss this later. “Jack Black is there— and he is the meanest.”

Nandor squints and shakes his head. “Very unconvincing, Guillermo. Mr. Black is not _killing vampires_. He has devoted himself to teaching little children the art of music! I saw it in the documentary.”

In attempt to hinder the vampire’s off-the-rail train of thoughts and ward Tenacious D away from his sex life, Guillermo cocks his head, dives down, and smashes Nandor’s mouths together with his. Little protest is made on his captive’s part, as the full, soft lips open up and devour his breaths as if to completely swill his living soul. He can feel Nandor’s fingers threading into his hair and pulling him closer, the pithily contented sigh against his lips quickly turning into a raspier and greedier growl. 

Guillermo takes down a bite and pulls, stretching the tender flesh near the corner of Nandor’s mouth. He breaks his lips away before the vampire groans in demurral.

“Death is not the worst. _There are things more horrible than death._ ” Nosferatu, 1979. Guillermo used to fancy himself Lucy Harker, even after landing the rival position of a Renfield— but hey, it does work out in the end, being a vampire’s bedmate and all. “If I take the second choice, you will for sure regret it. Even with _the calms despair can bring_.”

“And the first choice?” Nandor’s fingertips continue to comb the curls in his hair, and Guillermo lets him. 

“Then I will be your jailer.” Guillermo answers. “Me alone, to enforce justice.”

Nandor wriggles under him, practically purring. “Do it then, Guillermo. Correct my evil ways…”

“I make the call, _vampire_ ,” Guillermo taps his fingers and whispers against Nandor’s pale skin. “Have to make you pay for all your wrongdoings— and debaucheries,” emboldened by the pretend dominance, he leans back and grinds down against the vampire’s groin. “Every one of them, a punishment for each. _When you waft into dark bedrooms, masquerading as a black wolf— now a sick, masochistic lion—_ ”

“A Black _dog_.” Nandor corrects. "Is that... Is the last part from Twilight?"

“Doesn’t matter now, _you who cross my path,_ ” Guillermo rocks his waist at a vicious angle. “ _Abandon all hope._ ”

“Fuck,” Nandor exhales sharply, eyes widened. Guillermo can see the faint, flustered, almost imperceptible blush on his cheek. More importantly— he can also feel the stiffening outline of the vampire’s growing erection poking at his buttocks, declaring its owner’s lascivious, _imposing_ enthusiasm through layers of clothes. 

Guillermo wants to ride that cock badly. He is now well-familiar with its glorious length and girth, the angle by which it slightly curves up when hardened, the touch and warmth when it jerks against his skin and its saline taste against his tongue. The times when Nandor holds Guillermo down by the nape and fills him up with that thing’s entirety, while he pants and nearly sobs— it drives him absolutely crazy. 

However, that’s not the game for tonight, and the game is becoming very absorbing. 

Nandor bends up and reaches for Guillermo’s upper arms for better support. Instead of letting him, Guillermo slides his hands up and fastens them around Nandor’s wrists, guiding those hands back up until they lay flat against the chair’s leather backrest. He understands that a vampire’s strength is worlds away from a human’s, be them _van Helsing_ or not— and his pitiable constraints are no more resilient than tying ribbons around a lion’s jaw— but it seems that Nandor wants to play along. 

The vampire once again falls onto his back, jaw clenching tightly to prevent any way-too-embarrassing sounds.

“ _One question: Do you want to live through this?_ ” Guillermo tempts.

“Yes, Guillermo.” Nandor mouths at the edge of his earlobe, voice breaking.

“Then I’m giving you a chance to plead.” 

The vampire flinches at the word _plead_ , but the instinctive resentment quickly reduces to a short, stifled hiss. “ _Slayer_ ,” Nandor fusses. His voice is coarsed, but he makes sure to fan out each syllable in between his fangs like a chosen mantra. The idea is frightfully arousing to him, Guillermo can tell. “And what will the slayer have me plead for?”

“My mercy,” Guillermo hushes. “For a _Satanic Cocksucker_ like you.” 

Guillermo thumbs at the inner side of Nandor’s wrists, where his pulse would have been hundreds of years ago. He is taking a shot— and hopes that he’s not pushing too far. The line worked for George Clooney, although Guillermo doesn’t quite possess that man’s savviness. 

“For your mercy,” Nandor echoes, gasping softly. Guillermo pushes down his hips at a dangerously paced rhythm to prove his point. 

The vampire screws his eyes shut and hisses again, lifting up his chest and shoulders, his long, well-kept locks now fans out behind the back of his head like dark silk. Guillermo can see his fingers clenched into fists before ploddingly loosening up, thumbs digging into the center of his palms as if he's battling his own pride.

“Nandor?” He suddenly feels guilty. “I didn’t want to be mean; you don’t actually have to—”

“How do you want it?”

“Huh?”

Nandor opens his eyes. His pupils are wide and glazed and seared with wildfire, and his expression is one Guillermo never witnessed before. “Tell me how to _beg_ , vampire slayer. You promised the _cocksucker_ a chance.”

Guillermo blinks. 

“Kiss me again.” He says, because that’s the only thought left in his brain.

The hips under Guillermo’s thighs buck up abruptly to meet his own, making Guillermo shudder at the torturous frictions their collision provides. Nandor’s mouth is suddenly on his again, tongue sliding in and taking charge, hot like lava but smooth like velvet. His fangs press against Guillermo’s inner lips, the slightest loss of control means potentially drawing blood— and Guillermo would let him do it without a second thought. 

He breaks apart from Nandor when there’s not a bristle of air left in his lungs.

“ _Evildoers always taste better._ ” Iron and cedar woods are on Nandor’s tongue tonight. Guillermo can feel his own member rapidly swelling up. He has to physically grind down his teeth to bite in an involuntary moan. Lestat might be an asshole, but he was definitely onto something.

Nandor‘s chest rises and falls rapidly in anticipation. “What else?” 

“What do you want me to do?” Guillermo reaches down and cups Nandor’s still-clothed boner into his palm. He squeezes, and his captive almost jumps.

“Anything,” he groans. “Anything, Guillermo, just fucking—”

Guillermo bounces off of Nandor’s body, dragging him up by the wrist. 

“Let me fuck your mouth.” He gulps. _If you want to._ His nervous gaze says.

Guillermo watches as Nandor gets back on his feet and slowly sinks down. His mouth completely runs dry, and parts of his soul have decidedly left his body. He stumbles, until the back of his thighs bumps into the edge of a bergère chair, and Guillermo throws himself in like a new king who has just seized the throne. Nandor settles his head in between Guillermo’s legs as he fumbles to pull down his zipper. 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, yes, Guillermo.” Nandor reaches forward and takes Guillermo into his hand. He wraps those long, rough fingers around Guillermo’s cock, tilting his chin to gaze up with those sparkling eyes, and Guillermo’s knees go weak. _He might be dead, but he is so very pretty_ —

He guides Nandor’s head down until he feels the burning, wet heat of Nandor’s mouth tinting his skin— and Guillermo is swallowed. Those already shaky breaths now reduced to a series of short whines, as he is buried in acute pleasure. Nandor hums, mouth filled and eyelids wide open, glancing at Guillermo’s face with a blink of smugness. 

His cock throbs against the vampire’s tongue even before those lips start to move. Inside Nandor’s mouth is a world completely different from his outside— his cold, still, marble-like skin— behind those lips he is filled with worldly (and hellish) sensation. Each and every crease and paths on the roof of Nandor’s mouth sear into his skin as his member lengthens, just when he thinks he couldn’t possibly get even harder. But he does, and he is now almost aching— while Nandor stretches out his tongue against the underside of his cock, swallowing him down even deeper. 

Guillermo lets out a shaky cry, fingers finding their way to the back of his vampire’s skull. 

“Hghmmm,” Nandor buzzes. He swirls around the base of Guillermo’s cock, vibrating in excitement, beard rubbing against Guillermo’s inner thigh. 

Guillermo gasps when Nandor hollows in his cheeks and _sucks_. “Please, shit, shit, shit— puta— please—” 

He can’t spit out anything but incoherent whimpering. The head pressed against his fingers begins bobbing up and down as Nandor takes him in with a more vigorous rhythm, pulling away till he reaches the tip and wolfs down until his nose pokes into Guillermo’s pelvis. Whatever he’s doing— it is not human— Nandor moves as if he’s ravenous and motor-driven, dangerously determined, built without gag reflection or the need for any breath breaks. And he just _keeps going_. Guillermo desperately fists into Nandor’s hair, his legs spasming and he swears he can see the stars. He’ll die happily under Nandor’s mouth, gripping his lover’s hair like a satyric slattern.

He shivers when Nandor suddenly pulls off him with a sloppy, obscene “bop” sound. Guillermo looks down, and the vampire’s lips are wet and bruised from frictions, a line of saliva shimmering on his well-trimmed beard. 

“Say your things to me, Guillermo.” Nandor purrs, reaching down to palm at his own hard-on. “Tell me who you are.”

“Like— like the stuff I just said?”

“Yes…” Nandor parts his mouth, poking out the tip of his tongue.

“I’m— shit,” his heels dig into Nandor’s back as the vampire returns to work. “I’m Guillermo— Guillermo de la Cruz, and I’m here to _damn or save your soul_ — to deter you from _the devil’s wings_ , to snatch you away—” he can feel his own climax building up and quivers at the root of his spine. He’s getting so close and his mind is blurred, “from darkness, where there is _no heart, no love, nor fear, nor sorrow—_ ”

Nandor growls, and for the first time the tips of his fangs brushes against Guillermo’s cock, lightly but keenly. Guillermo moans, his mind ravels up a fantasized sight of Nandor, prowling and daunting, draining him right here and right now, devouring him whole and licking him all up— 

“More, Guillermo,” Nandor laps at the tip of his dick, shoulders shaking, fingers squeezing messily at its base. “Tell me more...”

“ _I’m a mean motherfucking— servant of—_ ”

Nandor does something with his throat, and Guillermo’s vision completely goes blank. His spine shivers as he comes, his head jerking back and banging on the back of his chair. Nandor groans. He swallows loudly and shamelessly, slumping forward, continuing to suck on Guillermo’s dick as it continues to pour burning seeds down the vampire’s throat. Nandor only lets go when his own jaw shudders and loosens, as orgasm ripples across his body and catches him off guard.

Guillermo collapses, sweaty and spent. 

Nandor settles his face against Guillermo’s thigh and draws out a sated sigh, eyes closed and lips swollen. 

“That was good.” Finally, the vampire mutters. “That was really good. Very exciting. Did you like it?”

“ _Without passion we would be truly dead._ ” Guillermo blurts out without thinking. He can’t remember if it’s from Dracula or that terrible Hugh Jackman movie. “ _The absence of love is the most abject pain._ ”

Nandor pecks at his skin. “You can drop the act now, Guillermo. And do not call me a Satanic cocksucker in public! Gives people the wrong idea— not all the vampires worship Satan.”

“Sure.” Guillermo laughs quietly, having burned too much strength. He gently strokes Nandor’s hair. “I love you?”

“Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Movies used: Nosferatu the Vampyre(1979), Bram Stoker's Dracula(1992), Interview With the Vampire(1994), From Dusk Till Dawn(1996), Buffy the Vampire Slayer S1(1997), Blade(1998), Van Helsing(2004) and Twilight(2008). 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!!! Kudos and comments are always super welcomed >.<!!!!!!!!


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